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- Franz - **READ THIS**- I invented the Banana SlicerMy name is Franz Van Boehmer, inventor of the Banana slicer. The story of how this great product for humanity has not been told-until now. The year was 1964, a notice had been sent out to the worlds greatest scientific minds to invent products to slice fruits and other foods into perfect equally sized pieces. I was given a team of 14 men and women whose lives were about to change forever. Our first prototype was an apple slicer- since an apple is very firm and has a tough skin, we had developed a device that was powered by rocket fuel. On May 19th, 1965, we lost 5 great scientists when someone was smoking (smoking was allowed everywhere in 1965) too close to the device. Anytime I see an apple, I am reminded of that horrific day and all of the apple bits, apple bits everywhere, just a terrible thing to witness. That was the worst accident in modern fruit slicing times. We decided to move away from slicing apples (it is obviously impossible) and started to try softer fruits such as the banana. Figuring out how to get the banana peeled was one of the most difficult problems we had in front of us. 15 chimpanzees were brought in just for this process. Finally after 894 prototype attempts, 36 lost fingers, 5 lost hands and thousands of cuts later the product you are purchasing had came about. We had done it, sliced a banana in a safe manner and a low cost. I am typing this today with the one finger I have left, I have had 987 stitches and lost my left eye. Was it worth it? Every time I slice a banana into equally sized pieces I think to myself "you are damn right it was worth it!" This is what I have done in my lifetime, what have you done with yours?
- Nick M. - MMMMMM GoodI have a rare phobia of buying milk from stores. It's the damndest thing. The doctors don't even have a name for my disorder.
Thank goodness for Tuscan Whole Milk. It's 128 fluid ounces UPS delivered joy. I'm eating Lucky Charms (R) right now.
- Detective B. Ana Nana - I'll Never Have To Dumpster Dive AgainI found this shirt tagless, torn and dirty at the bottom of a dumpster behind a Quizno's foraging for my daily free lunch. I had to spit out my half eaten chicken cabo to truly appreciate the wonder that was this Tee, staring wide eyed at the three majestic howling wolves, and their mother the midnight moon. As I wiped a tear from my eye and mayo from my lips I I realized the true power that this cotton cloth contained, and I had no choice but to rip my plaid button down off and climb into this new short sleeved armor. Quite immediately I began to howl uncontrollably at the top of my lungs sending vibrations throughout the entirety of my neighborhood, creating widespread panic as the pavement began to crack and women's bra's began to snap off inexplicably. Soon naked women were rushing towards the source of this god like noise, but to no avail as I had began to rise from the dumpster, hovering above the mere mortals flocking towards me. Bras and panties hit my feet, thrown from extremely aroused sex crazed females outside of the Quizno's as I rose higher an higher into the cosmos. Soon I had reached the moon, were I joined my wolf brothers in their night cries, where I have remained ever since.
- anduffy3 - Great diet aidThese capsules are great for curving your appetite or helping you lose weight. I've always struggled with over eating, but since I've been taking these capsules I've been managing my appetite more and I've noticed a difference in my weight. These capsules are great because they are the only capsules I've ever seen that are listed as vegetarian, and you can take them in low dosages if you just want to curve your appetite or higher dosages to help you with weight loss. I think that these capsules are a great product to buy to help you get started on your diet plan if you're struggling with it.