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- Seed Sower & Harvester "Seed Sower & Harvester" - The proof is in the puddingSome people hate IKDG, and some people love it.
I belong to the second group.
You know the saying "The proof is in the pudding", so let's see what difference Joshua Harris' teachings on courtship make in real life.
Here an experiment I've conducted, that you can try yourself. Go visit a singles group that has an overall dating mindset. Most singles groups do. If singles groups make you uncomfortable, that's why! Observe how guys and girls interact, and see how the `atmosphere' feels like to you. Notice how the most good looking guy and the most good looking girl have more people flirting with them or paying attention to them than other less physically attractive people.
Now go to a singles group that has embraced a courtship culture. Where do you find such a singles group? All sovereign grace churches embrace Joshua Harris' teachings, so you can just find a local SG church at and visit their singles group.
You will notice the HUGE difference in the atmosphere and in how men and women interact with one another between a singles group that embraces dating, and one that embraces courtship.
In the group that embraces courtship, instead of a predatory `feel', it has a familial feel. Men and women interact like they are relatives (brothers and sisters), or old friends. There is a level of comfort, and candor, and lack of flirting that is unlike other singles groups. Notice how the attractive ones are treated no differently than others, and how everybody get about the same level of attention. You don't see a bunch of guys surounding the prettiest girl, or a bunch of girls around the most handsome guy. There's no beauty contest there. People are not trying to attract the greatest number of people, or `get a date'. They just want to get to know one another like family.
I've always avoided singles groups like the plague. The only groups I belonged to were open to everybody, not just specifically for singles. But one of my friends invited me to a discussion group a few months ago. He didn't tell me it was a singles group. I went there and I liked it. I attended the group's events several times before I even knew it was a singles groups! That's how relaxed and familial the atmosphere was. I was certain that the difference in the interaction between guys and girls must be because they did not expect to date one another, but just wanted to build sister/brother friendships. I asked my friend if by any chance that singles group was into coursthip rather than dating. And he confirmed it: they were all for courtship, and the familial relaxed atmosphere there was a direct result of a courtship culture. That group is also part of a Sovereign Grace Church.
I read IKDG when I was 23, and all my Christian friends read it, and it really has made a difference in my ability to develop friendship with guys. Before IKDG my best friends were always girls. After I read the book and was part of a culture that embraced courtship I developed several close friendship with guys. Some of my closest friends today are guys, and my best friend is actually a single guy (it helps that we are absolutely not romantically interested in each other,mostly because we know each other so well we are like twins).
Thanks to IKDG I've had long lasting (10 years) close friendship with single guys, I haven't had my heart broken in a series of dating relationships, I was able to use my singleness to improve my serve in ministry.
And those who say that if you don't date, nobody will want to marry you, are wrong. Several people inquired as to if I would be receptive to enter a courtship with them. I didn't need to date them for them to consider me as a potential wife. However I turned them all down because of a huge difference/incompatibility as far as passion for ministry was concerned.
Keep in mind that a passion for the Lord and for ministry will make your life rich and rewarding whether you are single or married.
I also hightly recommend Don Raunikar's "Choosing God's Best" for a more methodical, highlty detailed approach to courtship (each step from being an acquaintance to being married is described with tips on how to proceed to each following step).
- Alex Carlson - great tablet for the priceThis tablet works great for general every day use. The refurbished model looks and works as though it were brand new. If you are looking for a tablet for work and play but want to some half the price of an iPad, the Galaxy Tab2 10.1 is a great choice